Timothy Horrigan; March 31, 2009, with additional commentary, October 4, 2011
The liberals have made a religion out of Copernican astronomy, where the earth revolves around the sun rather than vice versa. Sun worship is an ancient pagan obsession, and paganism appeals to the liberal mindset because it provides an excuse for raising taxes and allowing gays to marry. But at least the pagans had enough common sense to acknowledge that the earth is the center of the universe and that the sun revolves around it.
The original Christians believed in Ptolemaic astronomy, which is based on the age-old truth that the earth is fixed at the center of the universe and all the stars and planets— including the sun— orbit around it. The orbits were all defined by circles and spheres, because the circle is the most perfect of all shapes. Until the liberals came along and invented Copernicusism, the belief in the centrality of the earth was the basis for all traditional institutions.
The original form of the Copernican doctrine was that the sun was the center of the universe and the earth revolved around it— which flew in the face of the obvious fact that God had placed us on the earth. It is unimaginable that He would have placed us anywhere but at the center of the universe. Worse yet, Copernicus's theory was quickly proven to be wrong: his equations did not accurately predict the stars' position in the sky.
Instead of admitting that the alternative to Copernican astronomy— traditional Ptolemaic astronomy— had been proven correct, the liberals began creating more and more bizarre derivatives of Copernicusism. First they theorized that the planets' orbits were determined by the regular polygons (the equilateral triangle, the square, etc.) which makes no sense because those shapes are all less perfect than the circle. THEN, they began theorizing that orbits were determined by an even less perfect shape than the regular polygons: i.e., they claimed that planets' orbits are elliptical. Before long, the liberals began claiming that the universe didn't even have a center— even though it is unimaginable that God would create anything which doesn't have a center.
This is a snarky commentary about Ptolemaic astronomy which I posted to the talks.origins usenet newsgroup just before April Fools Day 2009. (Yes, usenet was still around in 2009 and is still around today.) I was mocking the rhetoric conservatives use against established scientific theories like evolution and global climate change. On a more parochial level, I was also mocking arguments used against gay marriage and transgender rights, both of which were being debated in New Hampshire at the time.
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